||[Apr. 10th, 2008|05:38 am]
|||||what the fuck.||]|
|||||Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley||]|
Human beings are violent, disgusting creatures who willfully and deliberately hurt those weaker than them to inflate their fragile senses of self worth. This thought has occurred to me many times before, but I try to maintain a shred of idealism and tell myself "Yeah, certain people are assholes, but most people, when put in a particular situation, will do the right thing." This is true, but what about those people who fit into the other category? What drives them to hurt other people? Obviously to make themselves feel better, yes, and to compensate for some shortcoming in themselves. But as a non-asshole, I fail to understand what goes through the mind of someone who needs to physically or verbally (or both) harm someone weaker than them in the interest of self-improvement. It won't make you a better person in the eyes of society, it won't lead to social mobility, better jobs, or more opportunities. All it will do is ensure you die friendless and alone (possibly in prison, where people who beat their children/wives are repeatedly and forcefully violated in the most painful and depraved ways possible. Good to know karma is in effect in those situations.) I've been thinking about this a lot recently, because a friend of mine, who is turning 19 this coming weekend, is STILL subjected to repeated beatings/verbal abuse from her father on a regular basis. My friend is a bright, pretty girl with lots of friends, boatloads of potential, a job, and a million other great things going for her. The problem is, after years of being called "worthless" and regularly slapped around by her patriarchal parental figure, her self-image has been left shot to shit. Now, I find it odd (not to mention completely disgusting and wrong) that, while some people take great pride in the accomplishments of their children, others feel the need to make their children feel like garbage in order to inflate their own egos. Do they do it with the same motivations as a parent who pays for their child's post-secondary education in the hopes that they will eventually have a high paying, respected, fulfilling job? Or is it just a desire to have power over someone else, and feel dominant and "manly"? I, as someone who, despite his shortcomings, has NEVER physically or emotionally hurt someone just to make myself feel better, will probably NEVER understand the motivations of people like this. It's frustrating. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? Age old question, yeah. Unanswerable, most likely. But still fairly valid. I'm not saying I DON'T believe in God, trust me I do. But if God loves us so much, why does He allow things like this to happen? I know, I know. He gave us free will, which, while it allows a person to hurt another, weaker person, should be proof enough that He loves us. But it doesn't make much sense that He would let good people suffer, and allow disgusting pieces of shit like my friend's dad to get a twisted sense of accomplishment out of said suffering. I'm not losing faith in God, I'm losing trust. That was a confusing jumble of thoughts, wasn't it?
Okay, enough of that. I am getting over a flu. It was not pleasant, and I had to be sent home from work on Tuesday. Vomiting is probably one of my least favourite things to do in the world. Oh well, at least I'm feeling better now.
On that note, it's payday, which means my 6 hour and 15 minute shift at work will be made easier by energy drinks and mass quantities of fried chicken. This pleases me.
Sometimes I realise there are a lot of things I miss. Over the course of my life, I've lost a lot of things. I guess this is the way life works, but sometimes, at 3AM when you can't sleep, it hurts a lot more than usual. I'm sorry to anyone I've ever hurt, and if you've hurt me, I forgive you (with some exceptions that I won't get into now).
Do I seem depressed? I'm not. There's just a lot of things I wish I could change, and I don't have the power to do that. It can certainly make a person feel weak.
Why the hell am I up so early? Insomnia, that's why. Though, my recent sickness HAS allowed me to get a few nights of really good sleep, and I'm glad for that, and I did sleep a few hours tonight, to be fair. But automatically waking up at 5AM every morning and yet not being able to fall asleep until at least 3:30AM most night can't be too healthy for a person. Bah, if only I didn't have a job, I'd just ask my doctor for sleep aids and have a good solid week of uninterrupted napping.
I'm lonely. It sucks. Somebody fix it. I'm a good guy, who isn't ugly, I have a job, I live with my family (but I pay rent!), I'm reasonably funny, I'm pretty intelligent, I read books, I dress fairly well, and I like to cuddle. I am what my friend's would call a "pretty okay dude". Why am I single?! Oh, yeah, because of all those crippling emotional problems. Wait! Don't run away! Come back! I can change! I! CAN! CHANGE!
Most of that was joking, but I do need to get out and meet girls. I've had a tendency to mess up every POTENTIAL relationship I may have had in the last 6 months, most of the time without even realising I did something wrong. Go me.
They need new episodes of "Comedy At Club 54". This humour is terribly dated.
Everybody should watch Extras and Reno 911. Just saying.
The strike has been over for months! WHERE THE HELL IS MY HEROES!?
Iron Man starring Robert Downey jr. and The Incredible Hulk starring (and written by!) Edward Norton are both coming out in the next two months. Look for them to not be entirely disappointing! (Unlike many OTHER superhero movies.) Also, Batman looks cool.
Listen to The Fratellis. I'm not going to explain, the music will speak for itself.
I need coffee now. Catch you all later.